A Spiked Revenge
by HollyHogwartsRoar
Summary: Season 6 time period  Xander, upset that Anya has slept with Spike and looking for revenge, comes to Spike with a proposition: alternate reaction to Xander confronting Anya and Spike about what they did in the Magic Box. -Spike One-Shot Series
1. A Spiked Revenge

Xander, Buffy, Spike, and Anya are on the street outside of the Magic Box. Xander has just caught Spike and Anya having sex together and is coming to get his revenge. A worried Buffy, also upset by what Spike did, followed.

"Anya! How could you do this?" Xander shouted angrily, his voice echoing through the empty street.

"I don't think you have any room to complain about me!" Anya retorted. "You ran out on me on our _wedding__day_!"

"Fine! Just get out of my sight!"

Anya turned and stomped back into the Magic Box without saying a word to any of them. Xander turned to Spike and pointed at him angrily.

"You," he growled, venom dripping in his voice.

"Me," Spike sarcastically replied, waiting for Xander to attack him in a blind rage.

Xander beckoned him with his finger to come closer. "Get over here."

"What? So you can beat the hell out of me? Not bloody likely!"

"I'm not going to beat you up, Spike," he huffed impatiently. "Now get over here."

"Yeah, I don't think so," Spike replied, taking out a cigarette and lighting it. "Fine where I am, thanks."

Buffy interrupted the proceedings. "Xander, what are you going do?"

"I'm going to give Anya a taste of her own medicine," he replied, still staring down at Spike who was innocently smoking and trying not to make contact with Xander or Buffy.

"W-what do you mean?" asked Buffy, a slight quiver in her voice.

"Exactly what I said. Spike, _get__over__here_!"

"Whatcha thinking there, _Xand_? I can't help you fix this."

"Oh, yes you can," Xander said, taking a step closer to Spike. "You can help me get revenge."

"I think you're mistaking me for your ex-fiancé, mate. She's the ex-vengeance demon, not me."

Xander continued undeterred. He took another step towards Spike, Spike reacting by taking a larger step backwards, away from the angry human before him. "You're the only one that can help me now, Spike. She needs to know the pain she's caused me by doing this."

"Xander, I don't know where you're going with this, but I'm the one you're supposed to be hating right now."

"I do hate you," Xander replied, still stepping closer. Spike retreated again.

"T-then what are you doing?"

Xander didn't reply, just took another small step forward. Realization spread across Spike's face, his eyes growing wide. His half-gone cigarette dropped out of his hand to the cold pavement below and he threw up his hands in surrender.

"Oh hell no. You've got to be kidding me!"

"What? What is he going to do?" Buffy asked, turning frantically to Spike, unsure on whether or not she should be stopping Xander.

"This bloody idiot wants to have sex with me!"

"WHAT?" Buffy shouted in disbelief. "That cannot be true! Right, Xander?"

"The only way Anya can know what it is like is if I do the same thing she did."

"Xander, no matter how you put that, it is NOT a good idea! How could you ever even think of doing that with Spike?"

"I don't want to, Buffy! But I have to do it." Xander turned back to Spike, pushing Buffy out of his way. "Come here, Spike."

"Not for all the money in the world!" Spike shouted. "This wanker has lost his mind!"

"Come on! If you can do it with Buffy and Anya, why can't you do it with me?"

"Easy! _They__'__re__bloody__women!_"

"Why does that have to change anything?"

Spike stared at him, dumbfounded. "Okay, I am so out of here. Good luck with your pathetic life. Make sure you give me a ring if you leave any more girls at the alter, I'd hate to miss another."

"How dare you!" Xander leapt at Spike, fists clenched, only to be held back from attacking by Buffy. Spike turned down an alleyway and disappeared, the bottom of this jacket swishing in the breeze as he turned the corner.

"Have you lost your mind!" Buffy shouted at Xander, still holding him back from chasing after Spike.

"Obviously! If I was sane, would I consider sleeping with Spike? Seeing the girl you love having sex with another man... guy... THING can kinda mess you up a little! But, oh wait, you did it with Spike too." Xander broke free of Buffy's grasp and walked off into the night. "Face it, Buffy. The whole world has been turned upside down."

Buffy watched Xander stalk off into the distance. She sighed unhappily and whispered to herself, "Honestly, who _wouldn__'__t_ want to do it with Spike? Those abs..." her voice trailed off and she walked down the street, trying to comprehend all that had occurred.


	2. Wings on a Demon

"Stupid Slayer!" Spike yelled as he crushed the can in his hand and threw it angrily at the wall where it hit with an unsatisfying *clink* and dropped to the hard floor below to be forgotten. He opened up a new can and chugged half of it before pulling away and looking at it in distaste.

"Stupid Red Bull," he added to the unassuming piece of metal in his hand. He looked around his crypt at the many crushed Red Bull cans on the floor as well as the unopened ones on the table in front of him.

"Why the hell do I have so much Red Bull anyway?" he shouted to no one in particular, his voice echoing around the silent room. "I'm a bloody vampire for crying out loud! I should have blood and bourbon, not this shit!" Spike had run out of both a couple hours before, but it was day time so he couldn't leave to get more until nightfall, unless he felt like bursting into flame on the way. Sadly, this left him with merely a industrial size box of Red Bull he had found in the fridge.

Spike stared at the can in his hand, scrutinizing the tiny bull picture on the label. " 'Give you wings,' my ass," he said and threw the half-full can over his shoulder. Regretting that decision, he opened another can and took a long draught off of it, wincing in distaste and longing for the beer he now found himself without. It turns out, Spike realized, Red Bull really doesn't help you drown your in-love-with-the-Slayer blues much, just makes you really shaky.

"Bullocks," he mumbled, and lay down on the stone coffin amongst the Red Bull cans to attempt to sleep until he could leave to get something stronger than crappy "energy" drinks to muffle his sorrows.

A few hours of fitful sleep later and the moon was high in the sky over Sunnydale, casting its' erie glow about the town. Spike groaned as he sat up, rolling his neck and shoulders to attempt to ease the kink they had gotten from sleeping on stone. Human or not, sleeping on top of a stone coffin just isn't comfortable. It was Spike's back that hurt more than anything, he noticed, most strongly from two parallel spots on his shoulder blades. He reached his arm back to rub the offending area, but something soft and feathery impeded, keeping him from his back.

"What the-" He felt along the offending object for a moment before quickly twisting around so he could look, hoping it wasn't true.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me." He rolled his eyes and slammed his forehead into his hands. Wings! Of all the bloody things that could happen to an evil demon from hell, why did _this_ have to happen to _him._ What could be more humiliating for a vampire than waking up and finding yourself looking like an angel!

Spike was just beginning to consider how much it would hurt to rip these _things_ out of his back when the wings decided to show what they could do. Through no control of his own, the fluffy white wings began to flap hard until Spike was hanging three feet above the ground.

"Hey now, you stupid things! Let me down!" Trying as he might to get down, turning thrashing, trying anything he could think of to get down, the wings prevailed.

"Oh god, where's someone to stake you when you actually want them to," he lamented. How ridiculous he must look hanging in the air by some stupid, girly-ass wings! It's humiliating! At least he was alone, he thought, but the wings had other plans apparently. With a slight change in angle and a little more flapping, the wings were pushing Spike through the air, despite his flailing and screamed protests. Soon he was floating out of the graveyard and into town. Spike found he had no choice but to let the wings do as they wish, because he sure as hell wasn't able to control them. And so he hung their limply, arms dangling at his sides, eyes shooting daggers in every direction, hoping no one would see him.

As Spike drifted closer to town, the chances of him being seen increased by the second. And, of course, even despite the late hour of the night, a tiny little girl in pigtails skipped around the corner ahead of him and saw him. Spike tried to look scary but the girl ran up to him anyway. Deciding it pointless, he hung there and waited for the girl to go away.

The girl just stood in front of Spike for a long moment, the wings stopping their forward motion for the girl, and she stared. Finally, a wide grin spreads across her face and she hopped up and down in front of Spike.

"Are you an angel?" she asks him gleefully.

"Angel's in LA. Now can you leave me alone?"

"I didn't ask if your _name_ was Angel," she asks with a comedic roll of the eyes, "I asked if you _are_an angel! So are you?"

"I'm not an angel! I'm a bloody vampire! You know, suck your blood, kill your loved ones, beat you to a pulp and suck you dry."

"Then why do you have wings, Mr. Angel?"

"I'm not a fucking angel! And don't call me that! I told you, the idiot Angel is in LA."

The girl just stared at him impatiently, crossing her little arms and tapping her foot waiting for Spike to answer her question.

Spike rolled his eyes and replied, "I suppose I drank too much Red Bull, and now it has given me wings. Happy?"

"Red Bull?" she asked, with a tilt of the head. "You mean if _I_ drink a bunch of Red Bull then I'll grow wings too?" She was literally bouncing with excitement at the thought, no matter how many brainwaves Spike sent out telling her to leave.

"Yes," he said impatiently, "so you should go home to mommy now and get her to buy you some before I drink your blood and use your bones to make my bread."

BOOM!

Everybody died.

The end.


End file.
